I may often come off as a person who is confident, driven, and will do whatever I can to achieve success. While that is true, I often feel stuck.
Before I moved I was talking with a friend about doing a self-portrait series. I was explaining to them that I felt so much anxiety, that I was worried about moving, and starting over with my business. I thought giving myself another personal project to work on would take my mind off of what was worrying me. Now, three months later I’ve finished these portraits, and feel they were what I needed to feel better about myself.
Entering my adult life is terrifying, I’ve moved away from my friends, my family, and amazingly supportive clients. I’ve spent most of my summer trying to find work here, to develop my business again with little success. And as much as I’ve tried to realize that this is just another step in learning how to thrive, it’s been harder than I can control.
This series is a reflection of myself, while my portraits are a direct representation of who I am, they also reflect on aging, and the impressions we get of ourselves over time that doesn’t go away. They represent the thoughts, anxiety and feelings that as much as I’ve grown, and succeeded, I’m still in constant fear that whatever I do, is never enough.
Using four photographs of myself, different textures, and using digital editing techniques to blend them together with my thoughts. I wanted to succeed in showing that through all of the negative feelings, and criticism I give myself,I still have a clear view of who I am. All of my uncertainty over time has become a part of who I am.
I realize that this series is different; I don’t share my artistic works with clients often. But the past two bodies of work I’ve made have greatly represented that I’m struggling. And I have to realize that struggling is okay. If a year ago I didn’t dive into building my business right I never would have gotten to this point in my work, and feeling confident that I could produce great photographs for clients. And I also couldn’t have become comfortable in creating works that are more personal, rather than being technically difficult.
I hope people will get something from these images, will be able to relate to feeling that it’s okay to feel like that everything may not go the way you need it to, or the way you want it to be. I am strong enough to accept that these trials I’m facing are another way of helping me develop myself, and my work.